MESS TEST
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish
stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.
TOY TEST
Obtain a 55-gallon box of legos (or you may substitute roofing
tacks), and have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try
to walk to the bathroom or the kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a
child at night.
GROCERY STORE TEST
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take
them shopping with you. Always keep them in sight, and pay for anything hey eat
or damage.
DRESSING TEST
Obtain one large, unhappy octopus. Stuff it into a small net
bag, making sure all the arms stay inside.
ARE YOU BEGINNING TO WONDER?
FEEDING TEST
Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill it halfway with water
and suspend it from the ceiling with a cord. Now start the jug swinging and try
to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug while pretending
to be on an airplane. Then dump the contents of the jug on the floor.
NIGHT TEST
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and filing it with
3-6kg of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3pm begin to waltz and hum with
the bag until 9pm. Lay down the bag and set your alarm for 10pm. Get up, pick
it up again , and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen
more songs and sing these too until 4am. Set your alarm for 5am get up and make
breakfast. Keep this up for five years, while trying to look cheerful.
INGENUITY TEST
Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and a can of
paint, turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into
an attractive Christmas candle using only scotch tape and a piece of foil. Last,
take a milk carton, a ping pong ball, and an empty box of cocoa puffs. Make an
exact replica of Eiffel tower. Good luck!
AUTOMOBILE TEST
Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice
cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime and
stick it into the cassette player. Now mash a family-size package of chocolate chip cookies into the back seat. There, perfect.
PHYSICAL TEST (women)
Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of
your clothes. Leave it there for nine months. Now remove ten of the beans.
PHYSICAL TEST (men)
Go the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask
the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the food store. Go to the head office
and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited into the store. Purchase
a news paper and go home and read it quietly for the last time.
FINAL ASSIGNMENT
Find a couple that already has a small child. Lecture them
on how they can improve discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and
their child’s table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to
them that their children should never be allowed to run wild. Enjoy this
experience, for it will be the last time you will have all the answers.
Culled from
Inspirational wit and wisdom from the internet volume 1
By Dave Balsiger And Chris Strong
